A Purpose Worth Fighting For (Author Katie Cionca)

Let’s talk about “self-esteem.” It can be defined as one’s perspective of their own self-worth, or value. It is dependent upon circumstances, moods, physical appearance, other people, and lifestyle choices. It changes as quickly as our surroundings change. It’s no wonder why so many people have a low view of themselves when they are relying on these unreliable things. What is the solution? Security. A firm foundation that doesn’t change like shifting shadows. What if low self-esteem is really just not knowing who you are in Christ? We all have the burning questions: who am I and does God have anything to say about me, what causes my anxiety and depression, what is my purpose here, why am I still alive, etc. I want to point out some real, practical biblical principles to apply to our lives in light of these ever-multiplying anxieties and questions. The Bible says we don’t have to wait until we get to heaven to live free, it starts here and now. John 8:36 says “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed” and again in Galatians 5:1 we are told “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”

Not knowing your identity in Christ can have devastating effects. It leads to questioning salvation, doubting the goodness of God, self-destruction and poor choices, all of which cause us to stumble and move even further away from our Heavenly Father. Let us not forget we have an enemy and it’s not our reflection in the mirror, it’s not that co-worker or that family member. Our enemy, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8). Satan is studying you. He knows your weaknesses and he knows how to trip you up. He is the father of lies and the master deceiver (John 8:44). His number one goal is to destroy God’s creation—most notably, humanity. He is sneaky and crafty and will use every resource to try to get to you, including but not limited to the church, music/media, your past, and the people you associate with. When we don’t have a strong grasp on who we are in Christ, we give Satan an opportunity to distract us. So, what is it that parches our souls? We are all in need of living water. Many times, we fill our voids with selfish ambitions and empty pursuits. What are we seeking after? Contentment? Acceptance? Love and significance? All of these things can be found in Christ. In Colossians 3:2, we are instructed to “fix our eyes on things above and not on earthly things.” Why do you think God gives us this directive? Because things of this world are temporary and fleeting, and incapable of filling the God-sized hole He placed in our hearts before the foundation of the world (Ecclesiastes 3:11). Jesus changes everything.

So, you may be asking yourself, how do I find my purpose? Finding your purpose starts with letting go of what the world wants you to be and embracing who God says you are. It starts with letting go of those desires and temptations to fill the void with people-pleasing and stepping into the life that God has for you. You are not defined by what you've done or what's been done to you. Your self-worth comes from knowing that God created your innermost parts and formed you in your mother's womb (Psalm 139:13). This means he created the parts of you that feel broken, misunderstood, and damaged. He intricately formed you - inside and out- and cares for you deeply, despite what others say or what your mind tries to make you believe at times. Embracing your identity in Christ comes with knowing that you are accepted, loved, and chosen. In fact, Isaiah 43:1tells us that He calls us by name. Individually called, chosen, and known by the Author of life Himself.

Personally, I have struggled with low self-esteem. I used to hate everyone and everything, including myself. Especially myself. I lived as a victim of my circumstances for 28 years of my life. I was miserable and there was no way out. Self-destruction and shame were my only friends. I was on the path to an early grave. But then I opened my bible. The one that had been sitting on my shelf for years. One of the many bibles that different people had given me throughout the years, which made me even more angry that they couldn’t see how much I hurt, and I thought they were just pushing their beliefs and didn’t understand me. And to be perfectly honest, I still don’t think they fully understand me. But I realize it doesn’t matter if they understand me or not, because Jesus does.

When I opened my bible and started reading, it still took me years to trust. And even now I’m still learning what it means to trust. But Jesus isn’t afraid of my darkness. When I was invited to a women’s retreat in March of 2018, I was hardly recovering from the traumatic lifestyle I had been living. I felt unlovable at my core, I was hostile, scared, mentally destroyed and completely depressed, but surprisingly, still alive. At this retreat, I encountered something. There was a woman that was speaking about her life and how much trauma she had endured. It was not as intense as my story, but it caught my attention, nonetheless. Her story was full of broken pieces and shattered glass like mine. It didn’t fit into the pretty little Christian box that so many people try to put me in.

In this particular moment, she was talking about forgiveness and letting go of the past and the things that hurt you. I had a piece of paper and I started writing out the things that were killing me inside. Once I started to release my grip on the pain, that’s when Jesus spoke to my heart. That’s when I knew, for the first time, that He loved me. And that I wasn’t too far gone. I used to think God could forgive other people, but not me. I was forgotten, abandoned, and left to die alone. Nobody could understand my story because it was just too much. But that day, I saw the real thing. And now I know that everything that had happened to me that I had no control over and all the things I did, were forgiven. I can see with absolute clarity that the things that happened to me were not just unfortunate circumstances, but were a part of the story that God was writing right before my eyes. I don’t know what you’re going through at this present time, but I want you to know that you don’t have to bear the burden. You don’t have to carry the weight of your past. Trauma changes you, but you are not damaged forever. Let go, learn to heal, and walk in the freedom of grace.